Going Back to Work

These last two weeks are going to be rough for me.  I go back to work on April 18.  I'm not looking forward to it.


I don't even know how to describe it.  My heart aches.


I know I'm not the first mom to go through this.  And this isn't my first time.  When I was on mat leave with Lincoln I started my crying melt downs at six months.  This time around I've been stronger.  It was refreshing to go back to work with Lincoln.  A two way conversation was VERY welcoming.  I survived.  It also helped that I found out I was pregnant with Nate two weeks later.


But now there are two more faces to miss.  These sweet sweet little faces. 

I found a Set For Life ticket from Christmas that I hadn't scratched in a drawer I was cleaning out the other day. I knew I was a winner.  This ticket was my key to not having to go back to work.  Yes indeed I was a winner...of $8...not quite the winning I was looking for.  So back to work I'll go.


I'm trying to see the positive with going back to work.  A light at the end of a dark tunnel.  I'm not seeing the light.  I try telling myself that getting out of the house will be good for me and my social life.  I tell myself it will be fun to dress up for work in the mornings.  But who am I kidding.  Mornings are going to be a gong show and I normally end up throwing something on just to get out the door.


And I know I can't complain too much.  My boys are going to be with my mom and dad.  And if there is anybody else in the world that I would want my boys to be with beside Kev and I it would be my parents.  And Lincoln loves my parents.  He calls my mom mama and my dad papa.  And I know he's going to have a great summer hanging out with my dad on the tractor and both boys are going to have such a fun swimming in the pool and playing out in the yard.  I really need to be grateful.  My mom watching my children is the greatest gift.  It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it.  She has three other children at home and is still willing to watch my children.  She is selfless.  And I love her greatly for that.  Words cannot express how blessed I am.  My mother has always been the woman that I have looked up too!  I KNOW my boys will be well taken care of.

But it's still going to be hard for me.  I don't want to miss a thing.  And what happens if Nate learns to say "mama" while I'm at work?  It will crush me.  I'm going to miss being at home.  Kev works from home so we get a lot of family!  And my little Lincoln crawls into bed with me EVERY morning for snuggles and cuddles.  I'm going to miss seeing his precious little face sleeping next to mine.  And mornings.  Oh gosh those are going to be hard.  My babies have been sleeping in till 9 am lately.  How the heck am I going to wake up at 6-that's going to be hard.  But right now I have two weeks to enjoy being at  home with 2 of my favorite little boys.  And I have a first birthday to plan (so bitter sweet).  And I need to find a light at the end of this dark tunnel called work.