Day 1

Day 1.  At home.  For a month.  On semi-bed rest.

Deep breathe.  I'm a big ball of nerves.  I'm a wreck.  I was good on Thursday.  Good on Friday.  And melted down on Saturday.  I think it took awhile for everything to sink in.  It's been really crazy.  I'm struggling to stay positive.  You never really think you are going to be the one that has problems in your pregnancy.  Of course I always knew that things could happen but you really don't picture yourself and your baby in a fragile state.  It still doesn't feel real at times.

On Saturday night Kevin and I went out to Vancouver on a much needed date/re-do of our anniversary (not that a McDonald's picnic in the park with the kids followed by a week long of sickness wasn't awesome).  It was great to get out.  There was this palm reader on the side of the road.  I've never been interested in a palm reading, fortune teller or anything of that sort but I was kinda hoping and wishing maybe that palm reader was a gift from God sent from above to read my palm and tell me everything was going to be ok.  Uncertainty kills me.  I know she probably wasn't.  Well actually I don't know if their hokus pokus looking into the future voodoo is a gift from God (I mean it could be) but I'm just not a believer in those things.  Right now I'll be riding on a lot of faith, hope and prayers!

You know who is a gift from God?...Dr. Shaw.  That woman is an angel sent from God to ease pregnant mama's minds.  That woman is amazing.  Beyond amazing really.  And through all my tears and fears she say's to me "your suppose to worry, your a mother."  Thank you!  It's true!  And that woman just has a way of making a horrible situation into a better situation.  She just knows the right words to say.  She knows how to put me (somewhat) at ease.  And quite honestly she spoke to my heart.  I do thank the Lord for her (and Dr. Nyvall and Dr. Driedger).  Those doctor's are a blessing.

So...I have been put on semi-bed rest.  Not complete-don't move or get out of bed kinda bed rest but the lay down and don't do much but relax and take it real easy kind.  This is new to me.  I'm not a sit around and do nothing type of girl.  In fact I can think of a million things I could be doing right now but at this point I know that I need to do whatever it takes to keep this little one nestled inside of me.  I was told that 28 weeks would be ideal.  It's crazy.  28 weeks!  28 weeks for someone with a normal pregnancy...well that doesn't seem too far away.  But 28 weeks for someone that is only 22.5 weeks pregnant seems like an eternity.  And the even crazier thing is all this worrying could be for nothing.  I could just have a short cervix and I could end up being 2 weeks late.  And all I can do right now is wait.  And I don't like waiting.  God is definitely teaching my the power of patience-something that will come in handy with 3 little ones.


I know there will be valuable lessons learned from this experience.  God is in control.  I am not (that's probably the best lesson).  I know I will learn to be patient.  I will learn to trust and have faith.  I will learn to try and be strong (not so easy at this point).  And I will learn to take each day as a gift from God.  I know everything happens for a reason and I know God never gives you more than you can handle. 

I know this month isn't going to be easy.  And I already have mixed emotions about being home.  Work for me was a place where I could go, be busy and try and forget about what was going on.  But this situation hasn't been an easy one to put aside while at work.  I feel guilty for leaving work.  I know they are busy and I know now that everyone else has to pick up my work.  But I also know that this little baby and my health are what's most important right now.  And like I said before...there is nothing I wouldn't do to keep this little one inside of me!

I am truly blessed for the help that we do have.  Kev works from home so he can help out and my mom is only a phone call away (and the boys loving spending time with her and my dad).

And on a happier note...my cervix is "stable."  Still short but hasn't shortened.  I'll be back in two weeks to see if the progesterone pills I'm on are doing their job and to make sure everything is still good.  At this point I do feel a little better.  I just want some piece of mind and maybe a crystal ball to see into the future!