I quit my job.
Yes I'm officially jobless. I guess it's not as bad as being homeless.
It's been a dream of mine since I was a little girl...to be a stay at home. In grade 11 CAPP (career and personal planning) I even did my "career" on being a domestic engineer. My teacher wasn't to thrilled. But it's ALWAYS what I've wanted to do. I only went to university to pass time while I was waiting for Kevin to marry me so we could make baby's! I'm only slightly joking.
And yesterday my dreams became a reality.
It's slowly sinking in.
And it's kind of a weird feeling.
Yesterday was nerve wracking. I was so nervous. My stomach was in knots. I've had fears that I would regret my decision and I think knowing the amount that I have to pay back sickened me. For me it wasn't a simple hand in my resignation letter and walk away. Since my employer topped up my maternity leave the first two times and I didn't return to work for a minimum of 1 year after each maternity leave means I'm left paying thousands of dollars (roughly around 2 or 3 trips to Maui). It sucks but it's the price we have to pay or else I have to go back to work for a year. I knew this day was coming but nothing really prepared me for how I'd feel. I was even a bit hesitant handing over my resignation letter. I am now feeling very content with our decision for me to stay at home. I know for us it's the right decision (and I know being a stay at home mom isn't for everyone). And it's such a good feeling knowing I don't have to leave my baby's come November. I can breathe abit easier now...although I did I have a "holy $&*# I just quit my job" moment in the car after I handed in my resignation letter.
My job was just that...a job. It wasn't my career. I enjoyed my job but I didn't love it. Every time I returned back to work I was always looking forward to my next maternity leave. And it just so happened I was always pregnant when I returned.
There are a few things I'm going to miss:
-driving to work ALONE with the music up loud, drinking my coffee-there is just something about being in the car alone that's kinda enjoyable.
-drinking coffee at my desk-it seems so work appropriate and grown up. I'm going to miss sitting at a desk with the aroma of coffee surrounding me.
-I'm going to miss office supplies. I like office supplies and organizing them in my desk drawers. Oh and the label maker-I liked to label things.
-Adult conversation-sometimes it nice to have a two-way conversation with another grown adult.
-And yes I'm kinda going to miss all my youth files and those crazy busy days where I feel like I'm a professional in the work force making a difference in the lives of others (those days were minimal).
I never really saw myself working. Growing up I had dreams of being a teacher. But I always saw myself at home with my kids. When I got my job I had high hopes. I wanted to be sophisticated and always professionally dressed and well groomed. That was never the case. I am not a morning person. I always hit the snooze button one too many, I was always in a rush and I'd end up throwing on whatever clothes I could find. I was always rushing out the door.
All this wouldn't have come true if it wasn't for my husband. He knows I love being home with the kids and he knows how passionate I've been about being a stay at home mom. He's the one that made this happen and I couldn't be more grateful! I'd like to believe that I've worked so hard and am rewarded with now being able to stay at home but that's just not the truth. Yes I've worked hard but my husband has worked even harder. He made this possible! And I know he now has to carry all our finances on his shoulders. Knowing that has made the decision to leave worker abit harder. I enjoyed contributing financially. I felt it was my job as a wife but I also felt it was my job as a mother to raise my kids (if financially feasible).
I think a part of me will miss working. I think I'll miss it most on those crazy days. But I'm looking forward to the the future and all that it holds. Lincoln starts preschool 3 days a week starting in September and I can't wait. My baby's are growing up so quickly and I truly don't want to miss a thing.
So today I sit and sip my coffee. And the kids are playing contently (this is rare). It's my first day of being unemployed. I think it will really start to sink in once my EI runs out and I have to start justifying my online purchases to my personal money machine Mr. Edwards. I hope he knows what he gotten himself into:-)
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