1. I had major anxiety over my uterus rupturing.
2. One doctor told me a c-section was the safest for my baby.
And...
3. I have big babies. With Lincoln being 5 weeks early (and weighing in at 6 pounds 13 ounces) and Nate being 8 days late (weighing in at 9 pounds 4 ounces) I really didn’t want to go through the process again of being late and trying to deliver a baby that was too big. I had made the decision long before I became pregnant with London. In fact right after Nathan was born I said I’d have another c-section. And when we decided to have another baby I didn’t even factor in the age difference between the second and third even if I wanted to attempt a vbac. And for the most part my c-section was a great experience (minus not being fully frozen) but either than that my c-section was great…how could it not be…I delivered a beautiful and healthy 9 pound 4 ounce baby boy.
It was probably half way through my pregnancy when the topic of a vbac was brought up with my doctor-her advice was try for one and she was living proof that vbac’s can be successful and that I didn’t need to wait 24 months in between both births. In fact she was quite encouraging. I was intrigued but didn’t want to get my hopes up. And I have to admit there was that part of me that did want to push out a baby one last time but I didn’t want to go there in my head because I didn’t want to set myself up for disappointment if it didn’t happen. Not that having a c-section would have been disappointing or the end of the world but lets face it…recovering from a vaginal birth can be a lot easier than recovering from a c-section-especially with 2 little ones at home already! Because of London’s heart and my cervix I was going every 2 weeks for ultrasounds and meeting with different specialists and doctors and they were all very encouraging towards a vbac. In fact when my maternity doctors got their final report it said I was a great candidate for a vbac. I still wanted to meet with the surgeon who would be doing my c-section and to my surprise he was pro-vbac and suggested I book my c-section date closer to my due date if not after my due date so that I could attempt a vaginal birth.
I have to say I was somewhat uneducated when it came to a vbac-little did I know there was less than a 1% chance of my uterus rupturing. I found that fact somewhat comforting but at the same time someone has to be that one percent and I knew that could be me. I knew the deciding factor would be the size of the baby. With both my boys my stomach started to measure larger once I hit the 30 week mark. With the advice of my doctors I was scheduled to have an ultrasound on Dec. 21 to measure the baby to see if a vbac would be possible. I ended up cancelling that appointment 2 days prior because at 37 weeks I was measuring 37 centimetres and according to my maternity doctors my baby still felt small. I had decided that if I were to go into labour early and since the baby was measuring small I would attempt a vbac…there that was my decision! And if I ended up needing a c-section I knew it would be for medical reasons and for the safety of my baby and I. I still had a c-section date booked but we changed it from January 2 to January 6 (my due date was January 7). I wasn’t willing to go over for personal reasons and I felt content with my decision.
This decision wasn’t something I wanted to blog about or share with a lot of people…mainly because I didn’t want my decision swayed by others views and opinions. I wanted to make my own decision (which is very unlike me because I can be so indecisive). And I think deep deep deep down inside I really really really wanted to deliver a baby vaginally one last time but for me I really needed to prepare myself mentally for a c-section because it is a different experience (in my opinion) than delivering vaginally. I also think it’s a very personal decision.
I will admit that once I was sitting in the rocking chair in the delivery room I started to have major anxiety about child birth-both vbac and c-section. I didn’t want to make a decision that was going to put my baby’s life or my life at risk. I had major fears and quite honestly didn’t know what to do! I had already told the doctor’s and nurses I would attempt a vbac and I knew I could back out at any time but I still had that fear of something happening. I prayed and I prayed and I prayed and once the oxytocin kicked in and I started contracting I thought for sure my uterus was going to burst open and the baby and I were going to die. Not positive thinking I know but the thought of that weighed heavily on my mind and I didn’t know if maybe attempting a vbacoxytocin (which I hadn’t received with my two prior births). One minute I was feeling great and the next minute I’m in excruciating pain. And because I was attempting a vbac they monitored the baby’s heart the whole time so it was re-assuring knowing she was OK.
My VBAC experience was beautiful. In my opinion (key word being MY) there is just something beautiful and amazing about pushing out a baby. Now I’m not saying having a c-section isn’t as beautiful because it is but for me it’s a different type of beautiful. I can’t even explain it. And the image that I’ll never forget is pulling my babies body out of my own and placing her on my chest. It was magical. It was joyous. It was everything I could have ever imagined or dreamed of and more. I feel blessed to have had a successful vbac and with this most likely being my last baby and I don’t think her birth could have been any more perfect or beautiful! All my baby’s births were beautiful and perfect in their own way and at the end of the day all that matters is that my baby’s were born healthy. I can’t stress that enough. No matter how they entered this world...they were/are healthy and happy!
And as for my D&C after her birth…I still think my VBAC was worth it! If I had a c-section I most likely wouldn’t have had to have a D&C. And as scary as the situation was the recovery from the vbac and D&C was great (and after the D&C I didn’t feel any different). I was a tad bit worried that I had put my life in danger by having a vbac and bleeding so badly after but my doctors reassured me that it was quite normal and that I was still better of having a vbac and a D&C then having a c-section (in his opinion). And if I had to do it all over again I would!
The topic of c-sections and vbac’s is one that I’ve talked about quite frequently with friends (seeing as most of us have had c-sections) and at the end of the day it’s such a personal decision. And I think it’s a decision that shouldn’t be judged by others. I know I was afraid that once I decided that I would attempt a vbac that I was going to be judged and that others would think I was making a selfish decision. I don’t know why I thought that-I think it stemmed from my own insecurities! And I almost felt as if I needed to defend my decision and I didn’t want that. I prayed about over and over again and I knew if anything happened I was in a good place and would be rushed in for a c-section if there was any risk to the baby or I. And I knew at the end of the day I was the one that would have to live with my decision. Well the decisions have been made and I am happy to say that I am content with my decisions:-)
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